EXECUTIVE SUMMARY: Old people, they’re f&%king adorable, and they smell like the bottom of a closet. Proctor and Gamble obviously know this, which is why they provided Mr. and Mrs. Koffmann (or is it Kouffman?) with a bunch of Swiffer cleaning supplies. This dynamic duo kicks off the video by talking about how awful it is to be old. They wander around their house with standard cleaning supplies and attempt daring feats like standing on a chair. Mrs. Koffman seemingly almost falls twice and the cameraman doesn’t even move, which further supports my theory that P&G only employees sentient soulless robots. As the ad progresses, a package labeled “Swiffer” arrives to save the day! It does everything, including prostate exams for Morty. Mrs. Koffman runs around the house cleaning and Morty sleeps on the couch, proving stereotypes in relationships still exist at 90 years old. The ad fades out with Morty still snoozing and the tagline: “It’s that easy, Morty #SwifferEffect”. Overall I learned two things about Swiffer, they finally figured out their target consumer, and their dusters come with a sleeping aide called #SwifferEffect, which is why I gave this heartwarming tribute to dementia a 4.5/5.
Bros. They come in all shapes, sizes, and ethnic backgrounds. Miller Lite does a great job of illustrating a common formula: Bros + Fame + Money = Partying, Women, and Beer. Plus, when your bros with QuestLove, you’re bros with the coolest mofo this side of the Mississippi. In this ad, a group of strangely diverse men hang out with QuestLove, the famed conductor of the Roots. The ad opens with “the crew” entering QuestLove’s massive warehouse of debauchery with a case of Miller Lite. First off, if my friends entered into my palacio estate (one room apartment) and they brought me Miller Lite, I’d slap them across the face. Miller Lite is a beer reserved for when I run out of pocket change and I have to have my booze fix any which way.
After “the crew” walks into QuestLove’s door, the guy who looks like Kevin Hart (but isn’t) says, “We brought more Miller Lite”. QuestLove responds with an emphatic, “cool!”, which is probably the best thing you can say about a beer that costs less than water. Then the ad cuts to QuestLove dropping a classic drum and base track and the shenanigans begins. “The crew” and QuestLove have a montage of scenes showing off how cool it is to be friends with rich people. They see a record collection the size of the library of congress, get women to buy them beer, and take a jet to Thailand for a house party. The celebration of life ends with “the crew” and QuestLove entering a private plane with the tagline “It’s not just a good time, it’s Miller time.” The premise of this advertisement is crazy enough to work decently and QuestLove’s line delivery is so emphatic it’s hilarious, which is why this ad get’s 3 out of 5.
Must Clean EVERYTHING. Clean the counter, clean the sink, clean the toilet, clean the microwave, clean the fridge. Things must be cleaned and they must be cleaned with Windex! This is an ad for an innovative new form of Windex container that you dab, rather than spray. A good idea with a absurd advertisement.
The madness of this ad kicks off with a couple of talking crows jabbering on like the two old men from the Muppets. “Check it out! A new way to clean, from Windex!”, the crow impersonating Gilbert Gottfried says. Then, a women dances around a moderately priced home and hacki-sacks some paper towels into a trashcan. Children and a husband appear out of the wood work and she proceeds to chase them around the house. The advertisement ends with the young mother happy to leave the disinfected war zone and Muppet birds dancing. Overall, I couldn’t figure out if I just watched a commercial or I hallucinated from huffing way too much Winddddeeeexxxxxxx. I liked the feeling and the snazzy new container, which is why it only got a 2.5 out of 5.
F&^k Siri. That lady in my phone always gets it wrong. Whenever I ask it to make me a sandwich it always says, “I’m sorry. I do not know what you are looking for”. Plus, the sex is awful. Which is why I applaud Windows for taking that b%itch down a notch. In one of their latest advertisements, Windows attempts to make their Windows 8 Tablet a little less mundane by directly comparing it to the iPad.
This Windows ad pokes holes in the iPad’s previously simplistic executions, while asserting that its product is superior. The copy is chalk full of a faux Siri’s voice spouting pro Windows rhetoric, while an omnipresent hand shows how the Windows 8 Tablet is the best thing since the written word. The only thing that this advertisement falls short on is a tagline outside of its price point. Other than that, it’s a solid 4 out of 5.
In a world where everyone is really excited about pretending to be well traveled, one man has a television… and that television is a Toshiba. The unnamed bearded hero in this ad fools his friend, defrauds his coworkers, and cons two separate gaggles of women. The only thing this advertisement is missing is the soundtrack from Catch Me If You Can.
Overall, Toshiba does a nice job of trying to communicate to their apparently upper middle class target of dumb girls and ignorant guys. The ironic humor behind it all has a nice enough pay off, but the ad falls short on actually making me want to buy a TV. Instead, I just want to pose in front of one and see if I can convince my grandma that I went back to the holy land (Disney World).
It may be obvious, but I haven’t blogged in roughly 3 years. My absence was largely due to starting my professional career. But professional careers are so professional, yah know? I believe everyone should have some outlet for absurdity. Back when I started this blog (when I was actually an intern), I envisioned a satiric irreverent look at the ad industry, while giving that industry’s work a rating.
With that in mind, here are 10 reasons why you should restart an advertising ratings blog or any blog for that matter.
10. The Gods have called upon me
Thor just came out in theaters and I saw it as a sign from Valhalla. Sometimes you have to do something silly, just like creating a second Thor movie. The only disappointing thing was they didn’t call it Thor II: The Thorarning.
9. Right Place, Right Time
Blogs are in like a Subreddit Twitter feed. I figure I can capitalize on this trend. In the words of the kanesian philosophers, the Wu-Tang Clan, “Cash Rules Everything Around Me, CREAM get the money. Dolla dolla bills ya’ll”.
8. Grow a Larger Network
7. Say funny things about companies I secretly hope to work for
6. A Creative Outlet
It’s like a power outlet, but the only bill you pay is after you drink. A few beers and the ideas come as clear as a Scientologist; 6 beers and 12 hours later and you won’t have a creative thought outside of what headache medicine you should chose.
5. Rating an advertisement is all we do
4. Anyone can do it
According to conventional marketing thought, most of our day is spent subconsciously accessing 1,000’s of messages. By that rationale, everyone (including myself) should be considered an professional advertising guru rock star.
3. It never hurts to try
2. All the cool kids are doing it
1. For Fun
I always thought people liked holes ever since that book I read in 6th grade and the Shia LeBeouf movie that was produced shortly after. Apparently, Charlie Baker loves to dig them like a ravenous meth addicted dog searching for its next big fix underneath a fencepost. Normally, I would stay away from a political smear campaign. They are usually under produced and say ridiculous sh$t about the other party. However, when a smear campaign has a full buyout of adultswim.com’s 30 second ad breaks, it is hard to not wonder wtf is up.
Dive In for more information on “Bay State Future” and why they would target such a niche website that serves primarily 18-24 year old males.